His Missed Opportunity
by TaelynHawker
Summary: He never should have let him walk out the door. He'll look back on it as a missed opportunity. Slash JDCox. Warnings inside. One Shot


Disclaimer: Not mine.

Pairing: JD/Cox

Warning: Angst, Character death, Slash, Violence, Injury, etc.

Author's Note: Brief break from My Gunshot, since that's coming to an end. Trying something different, hope it isn't confusing or crappy.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Dr. Cox?" The voice was soft and hesitant. It made Perry cringe, which made him grateful for the dark that made it hard for the other man to see him.

"I said you could sleep here. That means sleep." He growled out. The warm body beside him shrank back. He turned his head in the dark to look at the vague outline of the person in the bed with him. He sighed. "What?" He snapped.

"I want to tell Turk." The other man whispered. Perry snorted.

"No." He turned his head away, confident that the conversation was done. But the younger man took a deep breath and spoke again.

"I don't like keeping secrets from him. It's not fair; you aren't the only one in this relation-."

Perry sat up quickly. The other man moved further away.

"If you say the word relationship, Gloria, you can take your ass home." He snarled. To Perry's surprise JD sat up and stared at him.

"You can pretend it's just sex all you want to, _Perry_, but we both know that it's… more… than… that." His voice was nearly a whisper by the end. If Perry hadn't been so irate he might have found it cute. He glared silently at JD for so long that the other man began to squirm. JD opened his mouth to speak.

"Shut up." Perry ground out, fingers twisting violently in the sheets beneath his hand. "Get the fuck out." His stomach rolled and twisted, the way it always did when he forced himself or was forced to think about how he might really feel about the kid. He forced himself to look up at JD. He looked at Perry as if he'd struck him.

"Can't you just admit tha-."

"I said get the fuck out!" Perry shouted. He looked away when he saw, even in the dark of the room, the glisten of tears in the other man's eyes.

"Fine. But I'm not coming back this time. I'm not coming back until you can admit what this is. And you can call me a girl, and you can mock me all you want. But at least I'm man enough to be able to tell you that I love you. Because I do, you arrogant jackass. I love you." Perry felt like his head might explode, he knew his teeth were bared in the darkness.

JD got out of the bed and was silent as he pulled his clothes on. Finally, standing with his shirt on but still twisted around his torso so that Perry could see a strip of pale, milk-white skin, he turned back to Perry. Perry knew if he said anything he'd hit him. And he was grateful when the kid closed his mouth and left. Perry stayed where he was until he heard the front door slam shut.

He threw himself back onto the bed. Shifting uselessly as he tried to go back to sleep. He twisted, the sheets tangling in his legs. For a while he stared at the ceiling. Finally, with a growl he threw the covers off and stood, pulling his pants on and making his way to the living room. He grabbed the scotch and a glass and poured it for himself.

He glared around the room, noticing things he hadn't before. Like JD's hoodie that was hung up on the coat rack. Not the one the kid had been wearing, but an extra one. The DVD wrack showed at least five movies that definitely weren't Perry's. And the alcohol cart had all the makings for appletini's on it. Perry grimaced and looked towards the door.

He felt the familiar rolling of his stomach, and a tightness in his chest. If he had been capable he would have admitted that something felt right, too. He remembered JD's voice in the dark, telling him he loved him. He ran a hand through his sleep tangled curls and shook his head. He should have warned the kid, loving Perry Cox was never a safe bet.

Perry sat heavily on the couch, scotch near at hand, and drank.

………………..

The night was chill and rainy and dark.

This late the roads were mostly empty. JD pulled his hoodie as close as he could, but even at the slow speed that Sasha was going the cold cut through his minimal protection. He blinked at the tears that threatened to fall, trying not to cry.

He wasn't a girl, no matter what Dr. Cox might say. He was a man, a manly man, and he would end this whole sordid affair like a man! No more leading a double life. And since he'd already decided it was over, he was sure as hell going to tell Turk.

His heart lurched in his chest at the thought of it being over. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn't. It had been a good few months. It might have been a few good years, or a lot of good years, if Dr. Cox could ever get over whatever issues he was still having.

Tears fell blurring his vision.

Someone honked loudly behind him and he turned his head, headlights blinded him.

……………….

_JD had just lost a patient, and was completely absorbed in the guilt he was feeling, the first time Dr. Cox yanked him into a storage closet and kissed him. He'd frozen, too scared to move, one hand pressed against Dr. Cox's chest as if that would protect him. Then a tongue had touched his lips and he'd melted, legs feeling shaky, heart beating too hard, against he older man. He'd opened his mouth with a surprised sigh and Dr. Cox had taken full advantage. Strong hands had grasped at his hips and he'd moaned and pressed forward before he could stop himself. He'd felt answering hips press back into him and then he was pressed hard against the wall, a frantic mouth pressing kisses to his neck that were softer than he would have expected them to be. _

"_Dr. Cox?" Damn it, why couldn't he just shut up and enjoy this? Dr. Cox raised his head, eyes bright and frantic. _

"_You're going to ruin this, Newbie." He said, his voice a tone that JD didn't recognize. _

"_But… why?" He asked, even as Dr. Cox's lips made their way back to his neck. A hand was under his shirt, rubbing soft circles into his side. Dr. Cox was still against him._

"_Because I hate the look on your face when you lose a patient, Jessica. You look like someone kicked your puppy." His voice was sharp and hard, but his hands, making their way up JD's body were oddly gentle. _

_And the kisses that trailed down his neck were soft. He felt tears in his eyes and cursed himself. He let his head drop down onto the shoulder in front of him. Dr. Cox lifted his head and his arms came around JD to hold him. _

"_You never tell anyone, Newbie, or I swear to god I will not be responsible for what I do to you." The rough voice growled. But the arms around him tightened and JD let the tears fall. _

……………….

Perry downed his third glass of scotch and went to the phone. He didn't want things to be like this with the stupid kid. And maybe JD was right, maybe it was time to let go of whatever issues were holding him back. Not every relationship had to be like his and Jordan's. And he and JD had been doing good. And he couldn't really deny what he felt for the stupid kid, much as he might like too.

His chest tightened. It had been a long time since he'd felt this strongly about anyone. Jordan had been the last person, and maybe that was what made him nervous. He didn't really have a track record of successful relationships. And he couldn't guarantee JD anything beyond the day to day. And he didn't really want everyone else in their business.

He growled low in his throat. But he knew damned well that Newbie would take a stand on this. He'd already asked too much by making JD lie to Gandhi and Barbie this long.

He dialed JD's number.

The phone went immediately voice mail. He slammed the phone down. He looked around the apartment. Well, he had two choices, he could wait until morning, or he could drive over to kid's place now and make it better. Knowing he wouldn't sleep anyway he grabbed a t shirt and put it on, pulling the heavy hoodie that JD had left over his head. He grabbed his keys and left the apartment.

It was raining and cold outside. He hunched in on himself for warmth and half ran to the car. He turned it on and waited a moment for the defrosters to start working.

……………..

_It had seemed like a dream come true at first. Dr. Cox was still a complete ass to him at the hospital, and sometimes even out of the hospital. But when they were alone and talking or having sex, or watching television, or getting drinks, it seemed perfectly natural. Sure, Dr. Cox wasn't really big on affection, unless it led to sex, but JD enjoyed sitting on the couch with Dr. Cox's arm flung casually around his shoulder. _

_But months had gone by. And Turk was getting angrier as it became more apparent that JD was keeping something big from him. And even Elliot knew that something was going on. JD thought that maybe Carla knew everything, but she never said anything to him or anyone else about it._

_The first time he'd brought it up, Dr. Cox had fucked him senseless in an attempt to shut him up. And it had worked. He hadn't brought it up again because after the sex Dr. Cox hadn't spoken to him except at work for an entire week._

_JD had let it go. He was pretty sure that it was just Dr. Cox's insecurities that were getting in the way, anyway, not a lack of affection for JD. _

_But leading a double life, though it had been exciting at first, had begun to wear on JD._

…………..

Sound was muted. Everything was muted and he couldn't open his eyes no matter how hard he tried. The ground was hard and wet beneath his body. Everything hurt, but he couldn't seem to focus on any one pain.

There were voices and lights. Someone was near him with a hand on his, no not on his, in his pockets? Was someone robbing him? He tried to move, but found he couldn't. There was something hard digging into his spine. It hurt. He tried to tell the person near him, but even though his lips moved no sound came out.

"Call 911!" someone shrieked. He smiled, someone had seen him being mugged. He knew there were nice people left in the world. He'd have to tell Perry.

………...

Perry had been driving all of fifteen minutes when traffic stopped. He frowned. It was fairly odd for there to be traffic this time of night. But the cars in front of him were stopped. He stopped the car and got out. When he stood he could see flares up ahead, the bounce of headlights off the median that told him a car had flipped over. He leaned back into the car, taking out the first aid kit under his seat and began jogging towards the accident.

Jogging, he checked his phone, no calls from Newbie. He sighed. It was going to have to wait until the next day. In the far distance he could hear the sound of ambulances. A police car had just pulled up to the accident. People were standing around.

By the time he got there the police were pushing people back. He went up to the nearest one.

"Sir, you need to back up."

"I'm a doctor." He snapped. "Now you want to move out of my way, Tubs, or do you want to explain to your superiors why you denied injured people care?" The police officer rolled his eyes but let Perry pass.

Against the median was a pulverized car. He stopped to assess what he could see. There was a body in the car, but the angle that it hung in the driver's seat didn't suggest that there was much chance for the person. A few feet up was more tangled metal and several officers were standing around someone on the ground. Perry broke into a jog and made his way there.

…………….

_JD would probably never find the courage to tell him, but Dr. Cox was the best kisser he'd ever kissed. And his curls were softer than JD had ever thought they could be, and he'd thought about it enough. He couldn't say these things. Just like he couldn't tell the other man about how he only liked the taste of scotch when it was in Perry's mouth, or how the other man tasted bitter in a way he couldn't explain but that he loved. _

_He would never use the words 'making love' to Dr. Cox either, but that was what they did. Dr. Cox would deny it. But there was a gentleness to it, something that JD felt in way he couldn't say. It made his smile into Dr. Cox's chest when they were done. Dr. Cox would growl and threaten him, but he'd never loosen the hold he kept on the younger man. _

_It might make JD a girl, but he liked the way he felt with Dr. Cox. He just wished he could talk to someone about it, even if Dr. Cox wouldn't talk about it._

……………

There was something about the voice shouting in the distance that JD recognized. He tried to lift his head, to call back, but he couldn't. He felt tears burning his eyes. He didn't know why he couldn't move, or speak. The pain was so great he couldn't pin point where it was coming from.

"Perry." He managed the gasp out. The people around him sounded startled as he made the noise.

"Shit, is he conscious?" Someone asked. JD tried to nod, but couldn't.

"Hey, there's a doctor coming." Another voice said. JD sighed in relief.

…………..

Perry broke through the circle of people and came a violent stop. His hand tightened on the medical kit in his hand until the plastic popped and cracked. He looked down at his hand, face blank, and was confused to see blood seeping down the cracked kit. He let it fall to the ground and looked at his hand. Mangled, his palm was mangled. Bits of plastic were stuck in it. He stared dumbly at it.

"Um, are you the doctor?" Someone asked him, a young female officer, her hands already red with blood. He stared at her. "Sir? Are you okay?" Her brow furrowed. She reminded him of a young Jordan. Back when Jordan's face could move that much. She waved a hand in front of his face and he started.

"Yes, yes I am." He rasped out. He looked down at the ground, at the broken figure lying in a pool of blood. The flares and lights cast odd shadows against his face. And his face was the only part of him that Perry could recognize. He kneeled down next to the young man and reached out to touch his face.

"For the love of god, Newbie." He gasped out, his voice breaking.

"Oh my god, do you know him?" The woman asked. He ignored her.

JD's pale face turned towards him. His eyes fluttered and opened to slits. There was a smile on his lips, which were bloody. The white of his left eye was the color of blood. He let his hand move into his hair and found it was tangled and sticky. He pulled his hand away to see it was covered in blood.

"Shit." He cursed. He looked down at the broken body lying on the ground. His right arm was a tangle of bone and muscle. There would be no saving it. He reached down and hesitantly pulled the sweatshirt and shirt up and over the broken body. He let it fall again, not wanting to continue looking at the sharp bone that jutted out of the kid's pale skin.

Above him the police officers gasped. The sounds of the sirens were louder, but they hadn't arrived yet.

Perry took both hands and gently lifted JD's head. The left side, the side he wasn't on was sunk in. He gently put his head back down. The light eyes were open and watching him.

"It's bad." JD's voice croaked. Perry swallowed down the vomit that rose in his throat.

"I've seen you do worse to patients." Perry tried to joke. JD smiled.

"End it like it began." He said softly. Perry felt a sob catch in his throat. Jesus Christ, but this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. "You were coming after me?" JD asked. Perry found himself nodding. JD smiled again.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Newbie." His voice grated. He leaned over JD, pulling the broken body into his lap.

"Should you be moving him?" Someone asked. JD's eyes lifted to look at the people standing above him.

"I'm dying." He told them calmly. Perry took a shuddering breath.

"Don't be stupid." Perry told him. "Doctor's don't die." JD frowned at him, his bright eyes getting darker. "JD, god damn it, doctor's don't die."

"You should stop drinking. It's going to kill you." JD told him seriously. Perry felt tears falling down his cheeks. His arms tightened around JD, ignoring the wince it caused.

"Fuck you, Newbie. Fuck you." JD smiled again, his eyes losing focus.

"Already… did… that." He breathed out.

"I fucking love you, you stupid ass. And I fucking hate you for it." JD's eyes focused on him one more time.

"I know that. I always knew that." He whispered. A sob escaped Perry and he lowered his lips to JD's, tasting his blood and the rain and dirt on his lips. JD breathed into his mouth.

When Perry pulled away the bright eyes were closed. The chest was still. He swallowed hard and pulled the body closer to him, heedless of the blood that covered him, or the horrified shouts of onlookers.

The ambulance siren wailed in his ears.

It had finally arrived.

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Authors' Note: Kind of clichéd, don't know how I feel about it. What do you think?


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